Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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