i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
