two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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