Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
