My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
