Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
