your thong is hanging out like whoa
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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