mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
