Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
