My nipple is on Facebook.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
