the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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