Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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