just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize