That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
