Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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