i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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