she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
