getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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