I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
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I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.