Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!