I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs