I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina