Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.

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  (818): My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert. http://tfl.nu/ehir
  Replies (38) Good night (1681) Bad night (3715)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.

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  (763): The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled. http://tfl.nu/m5fs
  Replies (26) Good night (1148) Bad night (5217)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.

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  (412): I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory. http://tfl.nu/1joi
  Replies (30) Good night (6409) Bad night (1232)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty

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  (740): Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty http://tfl.nu/686x
  Replies (11) Good night (821) Bad night (4343)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots

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  (905): Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots http://tfl.nu/aobh
  Replies (14) Good night (2949) Bad night (1890)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up

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  (618): She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up http://tfl.nu/rljs
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (2427)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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  (772): Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish http://tfl.nu/fyel
  Replies (9) Good night (2373) Bad night (735)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  ...

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  (678): Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark (1-678): ... http://tfl.nu/supo
  Replies (8) Good night (1559) Bad night (796)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here

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  (614): We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here http://tfl.nu/ha0m
  Replies (6) Good night (1475) Bad night (594)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week

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  (636): A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week http://tfl.nu/594f
  Replies (1) Good night (953) Bad night (506)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.

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  (413): I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS. http://tfl.nu/290q
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (914)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Oh we're gynecologists

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  (334): Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween? (334): Oh we're gynecologists http://tfl.nu/xv3o
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (383)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Sadly that explains a lot.

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  (734): Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka. (1-734): Sadly that explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/6w41
  Replies (0) Good night (700) Bad night (325)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.

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  (612): You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in. http://tfl.nu/2cq6
  Replies (3) Good night (782) Bad night (248)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.

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  (302): I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball. http://tfl.nu/8wcf
  Replies (2) Good night (293) Bad night (458)

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