she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.