there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know