I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
