How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter