I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize