I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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