I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
