Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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