i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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