i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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