Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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