I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
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You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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