All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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