just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
