So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
