new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
