There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
