Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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