I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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