i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
