i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
