Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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