think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
