New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
