tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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