Is it normal to miss your booty call?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
