help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
