he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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