She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
