I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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