38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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