You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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