Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
