I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He did a backflip because drugs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
