I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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