We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
