he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
