What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
