That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
