I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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