In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
