I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
