I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
