dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
