I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
