Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
