let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
