Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
