His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
