so that wasnt chicken after all
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
