I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
