If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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