I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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